Breathing Lessons
by twent47blue
Summary: When you love someone there would come a time that you never thought that,that one person can hurt you.Yuki and Shuichi loved each other.Until Shuichi forgot all about Yuki.This is just fan made,inspired by the original.R & R please. Thank you.
1. A Reason To Breathe

You and I had drifted further and further apart. I had made my heart grow colder….harder….stronger. I have forgotten how good it was since we last saw each other. There's so much space between, I often wondered what went wrong and you decided to leave me.

To me a distance that takes 13-hours difference to travel that's no different like saying forever if you don't want to see me. Why do you have to go without telling me? What have I done to deserve this coldness? Have I not changed enough for you to make you forget about me?

Yuki. I feel an ache in my chest every time I say your name. The house is so cold without you in it. This has been our home for a number of years. Memories warmed this house. Every nook and cranny of this place have every little reminder of our times together. Of how we have loved and cherished each other. But now, this is just a place where I go home to get a few hours of sleep before getting up again and going to work. I got no one to fix me something to eat. I have memorized the delivery number of the local restaurant right across the street so that I won't keep eating tv dinners or yes, won't blow up the house if I attempt to heat it up. I stopped sleeping in our bed. I made a place again in the living room couch. It's so big with just me in it. And I often end up crying when I reach out and there's no you for me to hold.

I had to do things. I can't live like this. I can't continue holding on to someone who has no plans to come back. Yuki.

I stand before a door that will never open and still I knock on it for eternity. You will remain on the other side, deaf and oblivious to my calls.

Everyone was surprise when the novelist just up and leave his wife of five years. They are one. Where there's Shuichi, Yuki is not so far behind. The ideal couple. Strong and silent Yuki and bubbly and energetic Shuichi. A match that had undergone trials and arguments. What else could break up their foundation based on love and trust? Unless one or the other broke that oath. Had shook the foundation that holds their relationship together.

There was an incident long ago that Shuichi forgot. That he never thought Yuki would mind. But he did. And he was hurt. He had invited Ryuichi Sakuma to collaborate a song-writing for a big concert happening in Japan. Shuichi had spent countless of hours practicing and yes, spending time with the man that Yuki had felt so insecure with. Shuichi had always thought that Yuki wouldn't mind, that they had been married for five years, and what happened between him and Ryuichi was long past and forgotten. That's what he thought. Because Yuki has been the same, when he comes home, there's food on the table and it's even warm, that Yuki had stayed up that long so that when he gets home he got something warm to eat. And when he wakes up in the morning, his towel, his toothbrush, soap, clothes and underwear all laid out for him, and breakfast on the table and even a thermos of hot ginger tea with honey for something on his breaks and to soothe his voice after long hours of practice. Yuki had cared for him, loved him to the point of obsession. His love was selfless. They had reverse roles since Shuichi had become more famous than the novelist, and Yuki had been a house-husband, taking care of things in the home front. Remaining on the sidelines, always a constant shadow in the background. Shuichi had been secure of that love that he overlook everything.

Yuki didn't say anything at all, during those weeks and even months of continuous long nights, long practices and long hours away from home. He understood work since those days he used to kick him out of his study so he can write. But he believed in Shuichi. And of all the people in the world, in all the billions of fans, Yuki had been the number one silent follower, he had known all the songs his wife had sang, he kept a scrapbook of every little thing. But he never thought that in that one very special day….momentous event, Shuichi would forget all about him. Would take him for granted.

The concert was a huge success. Shuichi even won an award. And Yuki waited for his turn. To be thanked, to be appreciated for all his constant loyalty of all the nights he was away and for all the support he had done. But Shuichi forgot. Millions of people realized it except for Shuichi. Until this day, he didn't understand.

"I would like to thank the one true person who had supported me all this time to make this concert a huge success, without this person, I wouldn't be standing here in front of all of you." Shuichi began his speech, the crowd went wild, calling Yuki's name. Yuki was close to tears. He was about to get up to acknowledge his wife's speech. But before he could, Shuichi turned to the other person on stage with him, "Ryuichi Sakuma, you had always been my god, thank you for all the help you did." He said, beaming from ear to ear.

Ryuichi was shocked. He was expecting the same thing the millions of people are waiting for, for Shuichi to acknowledge his husband. Ryuichi clasped his hand with Shuichi and approached the podium. "Thank you Shuichi, I would also like to thank Yuki Eiri who had been with us every step of the way. Yuki san please come up on stage." Ryuichi said. But Yuki's seat was empty. There was dead silence before Ryuichi thanked the producers and everyone so he can drag Shuichi who was panicking now off the stage.

Shuichi blushed and was flustered, muttering an oath under his breathe. He forgot about Yuki.

There was a pain in his chest. It was so painful. When the crowd stood up to give the two hottest singers in all Japan a standing ovation, Yuki slipped away from the crowd. He went home, crumpled to the floor. He sat there for awhile, staring at nothing. His mobile phone started ringing. It was Shuichi calling. He came to life. He got up, letting the phone ring. He put it on the kitchen counter and went in the bedroom, grabbed a suitcase in the closet and started packing. The phone rang twenty times alternating with the house phone. But Shuichi didn't know that Yuki was long gone before he reached the tenth call.

They searched every where. Yuki disappeared. Without a word where he was going. But it was only Shuichi who wondered why he left. No one had the heart to tell him. They knew, deep in his heart, Shuichi knew he forgot Yuki in the most important day.

Shuichi tried to get back on with his life. But it was hard. So hard. He had gotten used to having Yuki at his side. After two years. He still didn't forget his one and only true love. His other half. He had given up searching for Yuki after months of extensive calls overseas, he found a reservation of a one way ticket to Paris. But to no avail, Yuki is nowhere to be found. He gave up his singing career, and decided to go to Paris to try to find his husband once more. He had taken French classes and after a month had found a job as a waiter. He would often ride his bike around the fountain in the square and throw a coin and make a wish, everyday, he would make a wish. Let me find him again. His ardent request.

Little did Shuichi know, after a few minutes, Yuki would walk in and sit there by the benches to have his sandwich when he finished his classes, he teaches writing in a university nearby. And when he was done, he would stand up and toss a coin in the fountain, a ritual he had done for the last two years since he had lived and worked in France.

One time Yuki was talking to one of his colleague and good friend. He often talked of the wife he had left behind. His friend wondered why Yuki had never tried to contact him again. Yuki looked at him sadly, with a sad and pained smile on his face.

"J 'ai fait tout ce que j'ai pu." He said, with tears in his voice. (I did all I could.)

There is a saying about marriage, that what fate had put together let no man put asunder. It was fate. Fate had brought them together, in all their lives, Yuki and Shuichi are destined to be together. That no matter what happens they would always, yes, always find each other again.

Yuki was invited by Frederic to a café near the fountain where he always have his break.

"Qu'est-ce tu veux boire?" the waiter asked. (What would you like to drink?) At the sound of his voice, Yuki looked up. Their eyes locked. Yuki stood up, staggered back, Shuichi was also staring at him, his mouth agape in shock.

Frederic was calling him, "Eiri? Eiri… professor?" but it all fell on deaf ears. And Yuki ran, bolted to the street, and got run down by a taxi cab.

Shuichi screamed, running to him as Yuki went flying in the air. He landed a few meters away with a low thud, lifeless, not moving.

"Yuki! Yuki!" he cried, as he ran to cradle the lifeless bundle in his arms. Yuki coughed blood, opening his eyes, hearing his love's ardent cry. He reached out a bloody hand to touch his face.

"Y-ou found me." He said, smiling. Shuichi cried and kissed him. When Shuichi checked on him again, he spurted blood and this time didn't respond no matter how he shook him. Frederic ran to them asked Shuichi to hurry so that they could bring Yuki to the hospital.

It was days before Yuki woke up from his deep sleep, he had a severe concussion and broken ribs, he slipped into a semi coma. When he woke up, Shuichi cried. Yuki spoke in French and didn't recognized him.

When Shuichi left to get some clothes so he can watch over Yuki. Frederic walked over to his friend of ten years.

"Why did you pretend?" he asked the blond man on the bed.

"How did you know I'm pretending?" Yuki asked back.

Frederic put a hand on his arm gently, "I've known you for ten years, Eiri. If your wife couldn't tell, I could. Even though it was years we were apart, I still know you better than anyone." He said.

Yuki didn't say anything, tears welled up his eyes. His wish came true. To see Shuichi again. But his wish was not complete yet. There is still something Shuichi must do before Yuki would feel that this time everything would be alright. Frederic patted him on the shoulder.

"I promise I won't tell. Just get well, and get back to the love you have lost." He said, with a smile.

When Shuichi got back, Yuki was sleeping. He took the time to touch him, caress his angelic face. He wanted to know if he was real, that his wish finally came true, that he found him again. There is so much for him to tell Yuki but, he don't want to tell him now, now that he doesn't remember him anymore.

Days stretched to weeks, and then months. Shuichi watched over him, coming to the hospital before and after work. Fetching everything he needs. They had come back to square one, this time, Shuichi took care of Yuki. Like it was before when they were starting out. But, Shuichi didn't try to ask him if he remembers him again. He was just so happy that he found Yuki again, that is all that matters. And whatever that needed to be said or done, have to wait until he is better.

Yuki went on with his charade. He allowed Shuichi to take him to his apartment instead of going to his house near the university.

"I'm sorry if its not much, I'm just a student and a waiter so I can't afford a bigger place." Shuichi said, picking up stuff from the couch and bed. He helped Yuki sit on the couch.

Yuki was quiet, watching everything he does. "This will do. I'm fine." He said. "I can call Frederic to pick me up when he gets back from Germany."

Shuichi fumbled with the dictionary, "Speak slowly, I still don't know a lot of words." He said, scratching his head.

Yuki translated again in the simplest French he could use. Shuichi grinned and nodded. He got fresh linens and pillow case from the cabinet and changed the beddings.

"You can use the bed Yuki, I can sleep in the couch." He said, helping the older man to the bed.

"Just like before." Yuki mumbled.

"Pardon me?" he asked. Yuki shook his head.

Yuki fell in love with his pink haired brat all over again. Shuichi had done everything for him, in the weeks that they were together. Frederic was really in France, he is never in Germany, Yuki had made him swear not to tell Shuichi. He wants to know if Shuichi is still the same. And his friend granted that wish.

Everyday, Shuichi would wake up early to prepare Yuki breakfast, rush home on his break to prepare him lunch, and although tired from work, would prepare him dinner. One time Yuki complained he is tired of eating the same thing. Shuichi would work extra hours so he could buy gourmet food next door to take home to Yuki. And when Yuki is done and is sleeping, he would eat stale bread and left over soup from the café where he works. Shuichi never complained, never asked Yuki when he is coming back to work. He would go out of his way to make it easy for Yuki, would work extra jobs so he can buy tickets to plays and symphony orchestra at the theater. But Shuichi didn't realized that Yuki knew all these things and is falling for him all over again.

Shuichi went home one time to a dark room. He tried to sneak in the apartment quietly, thinking that Yuki was sleeping. Gently, he took an extra blanket in the drawer and put it on top his husband. Brushing lightly on the blond hair.

"I wish one day you will remember Yuki." He said, in their native tongue. "I wish one day you will find it in your heart to forgive me." A tear fell from his eye. "I had repented that day everyday of my life since you walked out on me. I had searched for you and couldn't find you. I wanted to find you and tell you how sorry I am."

When the figure on the bed move. Shuichi turned and wiped the tears in his eyes, he was about to walk away when Yuki gently grabbed his arm.

"Brat. I had longed forgiven you." Yuki said. Shuichi turned to him surprise.

"Y-You remembered me." He said, crying all over again. He didn't know whether to jump on him or stay where he was, he didn't know what to do next. So he stood there, crying, calling out his name over and over again.

Yuki pulled him in an embrace, "Come here. I have ached for so long to touch you." He said, and when the younger man landed on him, Yuki showered his face with kisses, both of them crying uncontrollably now, crying and laughing at the same time. Kissing, hugging and touching each other hungrily. Their need for each other escalating to heights unknown. The he said his name, it has been so long since he heard it from those lips. Their time together Yuki never called him by name, he is either hey or nothing at all.

Hours later. After a night of heated passion, "Did you know that I was wishing for you ever since the day I came to France?" Shuichi said, smiling under the crook of Yuki's arm.

"I never knew why I really went away, I never thought I would longed for you so much. But it was already too late to go back, you have hurt me so much." Yuki said, quietly.

"I'm so sorry Yuki. You were always there, always at my side. That I overlooked you, or I was too confident of myself that no matter what you would always be there. I had put you so close to me, that I forgot that you were right in front of me all along." Shuichi said.

"Thank you." Yuki said, smiling, his wish finally complete, Shuichi admitted his long time mistake.

"You're welcome." Shuichi said, and leaned over him, "But you missed a spot." He said, and leaned over and kissed his new-found husband. When he felt the returned heated passion, his lips curved into a smile against his, "Much better."

"I haven't been able to find my balance since I left you. There is a feeling that is something is missing when I left. Not until I saw you at the café, I couldn't believe my eyes, that it was all surreal." Touching his pink hair. "There you were, my life….the meaning of my life. You know how I am but you came for me. You tried to find me."

"I could never be complete without you, Yuki." He said.

They talked all night until they ran out of things to talk about. They planned to go back home, but not until later. They are starting a new life now, a new chapter in their lives. So they planned a honeymoon in an unchartered place in Paris….Shuichi's apartment. (hehe) Where love has once again blossomed to unexpected proportion.

Shuichi had taken everything away, the hurt, the pain...the emptiness that threatened to consume him. All of it gone, with just his kisses, his embraces, the touch of his skin on mine. Everything is clear now, like the smile on his face as Yuki make their bodies one. Yuki felt an ache in his chest, I love this person so much that sometimes I can't breathe. I never thought love could be that way. I never thought that love could completely make me whole just being with Shuichi.

"Mine." I whispered at the crook of his neck. "All mine." I said, possessively. And as bodies touched, so did the rings on our finger, a promised that sealed our love, a circle that completed us and made us whole…and one.

Owari


	2. Menage A Trois

"I thought you said we are going somewhere over the weekend?" I asked, a little hurt.

I had a memory flash back of how we were before when we were living together in Japan. I fought for his attention when he was the lead singer of the popular boy band. Now, he's got new set of friends, and enrolled in a music school and as popular as ever. I'm still a professor at the university. We decided to move in at my studio since my place is bigger. Now here we are again, back to how it was then. He may not be a singer now, but still, I need to vie for his attention.

"I'm sorry, Yuki. I promised Monique I would go drop by her place." He said, without any guilt, he leaned down, grab a toast and gave me a smack on my cheek. "Adieu, see you later." (Goodbye) Running out the door.

Frederic popped in early in the afternoon with a bottle of wine and a tin of caviar. "Eiri, I'm back. Bearing gifts." He called from the door.

"Frederic!" I was happy to see him, he approached me and kissed both my cheeks and I kissed back, really glad to see him.

Frederic looked around. "So where is the _brat_ ?" he asked, and chuckled, imitating Yuki's term of affection.

Yuki let out a sigh, closing the book he was reading, "Je ne sais pas." He replied. (I don't know)

"Est ce que tu l'as vu?" (Have you seen him?) Frederic asked worriedly.

Yuki got his cigarette and Frederic poured two glasses of wine.

"He said he is going to his classmate's house after school but he would be back soon. He hasn't come home yet." Yuki said, resigned, sitting down again and attacking his work. He was pissed but he didn't want to show Frederic.

But Frederic already knew. Eiri Uesugi hasn't changed. Even way back then when they were kids, he's still needy, clingy and possessive. He is so handsome, everyone admires him but, only a few people know what he is really like. How insecure he was. He clings to the people he loves. His tutor, his brother-in-law, him and now, this partner, his cohabit partner. Everyone mistook their relationship before, everyone who knows Eiri then, knows he doesn't care for gender. As long as he likes the person, that's all that matters.

Frederic walked over to him and handed him the other glass of wine. Yuki finished it with one gulped. Frederic laughed and poured him another. Yes, Eiri has never changed.

When the sun went down over the horizon, the two friends finished two bottles of wine. Frederic was helping Yuki on the couch.

"I told you, you should eat first. You're always been so stubborn." He said, "Whoa!" almost sliding, feeling a little tipsy himself, almost landing on top of the blond.

Yuki was passed out, Frederic stopped and looked at Yuki. "Eiri?" he called, slapping his face gently, he chuckled when the blond only let out a groan.

Frederic trailed his fingers slowly on his friend's face. He never really looked at Yuki up close, now seeing him drunk and sexy, his shirt open dangerously. He didn't know if it's the wine or the man lying there seducing him quietly. He trailed his fingers down the neck, shoulder and chest. Yuki shifted and moaned, his face now inches away from Frederic. Frederic couldn't resist. He leaned down and was about to kiss the sleeping blond.

"Yuki, I'm ho-" Shuichi called out, and was frozen in place when he saw Frederic leaning over Yuki, his bag dropped to the floor.

Frederic almost stumbled when he got up, his face hot and red, he cleared his throat and fixed the collar of his shirt.

"Oh, Shindou. I just got back. Eiri and I were drinking some wine while waiting for you, your husband got drunk so I helped him on the couch." He said, avoiding his gaze. Frederic calls him by his maiden name since Shuichi is too tongue twister for his French tongue.

Shuichi was quiet, looking at his husband sprawled on the couch, unconscious. He didn't reply. But he fisted his hand, wanting to punch Frederic if he thinks he saw what he thinks he saw.

"I better get going now. He was waiting for you, a little grumpy because he was expecting you guys to go out this weekend." He said, grabbing his coat by the door.

Shuichi stopped when he heard what Frederic said. It was his fault again. So, drained, he just let Frederic walked out the door without a word or a backward glance.

He got a basin of water, a towel and a change of shirt for his husband. Yuki has always attended to him. Always. And this time he wants to do his duty as a wife. Shuichi always felt like he was the older one, since sometimes Yuki behaves like a child instead of a grown man. But other than that, Yuki is responsible and mature.

He wiped his face gently, eliciting a moan from the man, changing his shirt. When those eyes opened and locked on to him, he already prepared himself how to deal with him.

"Hi. Are you hungry? Frederic already left he needs to be somewhere." Shuichi said calmly.

Yuki didn't say anything, got up with a groan. He staggered to the bedroom, swatting the other man's hand when Shuichi tries to help him.

So here were are again. Back where it began. Good thing that the house was big, we danced around each other, avoiding each other. You changed your schedule, I changed mine. So whenever you arrive from school, I'm already in bed sleeping. When you wake up in the morning, I already left and was already at the university having my coffee. This is not how I wanted it to be. But I couldn't helped it. One day, I just woke up and said to myself that I'm tired of this set up. All I'm waiting for is for you to tell me that you are moving out.

"Qu'est-ce qu'ill tu fait?" (What has he done?) Frederic asked, when he noticed that Yuki had been staying later and later at the university. And he even spend some of his weekend at the library.

"None of your business." The blond spurted out angrily, grabbing his coat and storming out of the room.

Frederic dropped in at the café where Shuichi work, wanting to talk to the boy. Shuichi tried to avoid him but Frederic grabbed his arm gently.

"Please, I need to talk to you about Eiri." He said, his eyes pleading.

"I got work." Shuichi replied, abruptly.

He didn't want to get mad at Yuki, he knows his partner wouldn't start having an affair with another man, no matter how angry they get at each other. It's this guy.

"I will wait." He said, his eyes pleading. "For Yuki."

I was a little taken aback. He never calls him by that name before. This man knows the real Yuki, he grew up with my partner. I was really jealous at him at first because he knows a lot about Yuki and judging from their relationship now, since they are older, they have grown closer. I couldn't erase the memory of him leaning over Yuki, I wanted to know if he took advantage of Yuki that time. If I walked in too late or did I walked in just in time. I nodded and walked away.

I was tired, on my feet the whole day. I wanted to go home. But I don't want to go home to an empty, dark house. Plus, I don't like the company right now.

"Yuki Eiri is mine, you got that?" those are my first words to him, thumping a hand hard on his chest.

I was hungry and worn out. I wanted to approach Yuki and tell him I'm sorry. But he was avoiding me. And this Frenchman is no help at all. I want to deck him.

"Understood." He said.

Frederic's eyes were sad when he looked at Shuichi. That quieted down the pink-haired wonder.

"He has been acting weird lately, even at work. I tried to get him to talk a lot of times but he always brush me off." Frederic began, he fished out his smokes from his pocket. And Shuichi noted that his hands were shaking.

"I made a mistake. I'm sorry. I was drunk. I should be telling Eiri this but I was too afraid what he would say. Nothing happened." He continued, letting out a relieved sigh.

Shuichi just looked at him, too shock to react.

"I was thinking if he saw me or not. I know he was more drunk than I am and he passed out when I dumped him on the couch. And you walked in while I was about to attempt to kiss him." Frederic said.

"But if he saw you, he would have smacked you by now." Shuichi said.

Frederic blew out smokes. The boy was right. Yuki is not for one to talk but he let his fist do the talking for him.

Shuichi got his backpack, ready to call it a night. Knowing he will going home to an empty house or a dark house if Yuki is already sleeping. Frederic look up.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Home. I'm tired and hungry." Shuichi replied.

Frederic smiled, "Come with me, I will treat you to a home cook meal. I know Eiri hasn't been cooking for you lately." He said, with a smile. "It's the least I could do for the trouble. Don't worry about Eiri, he will come around."

Shuichi showed him the bag of leftovers. "No, merci. I got food." He said. (thanks)

"No, I insist. I make a mean spaghetti and carbonarra." He said, tugging at the arm of the pink-haired wonder, and Shuichi let himself be dragged.

When they got Frederic's place. He was surprise to see that its almost identical as Yuki's, bookshelves lined the walls, paintings, pricey décor. A rich bachelor's pad.

Shuichi wasn't surprised when Frederic served the meal with wine. He asked for a soda instead. But Frederic insisted, pouring two glasses of wine.

"No, tonight we both drink." He said.

Shuichi didn't anticipate that he would get drunk and sleepy from just two glasses of wine. But he didn't know that Frederic planned it all along. He put a blanket on his uninvited guest and turned off the light after grabbing something from Shuichi's bag.

Shuichi woke up the next day with a headache, probably because he wasn't sleeping on his own bed that he woke up right on time. Yuki doesn't wake him anymore either so he's got three alarm clocks by his bed side to wake him. He was a little confuse when he sat up, wondering where he was, and then he remembered and bolted up. Looking for his host. But he already left, and Shuichi found a note on his bag.

'….I didn't have the heart to wake you, you look so tired. I packed you lunch, some left over from last night. Please take it. And thank you for the nice chat last night….'

Shuichi grabbed his bag and the lunch, stuffing the note in his pocket. He was worried that Yuki would think differently when he didn't come home last night. But, when he was putting on his shoes. He stopped. No. He said to himself. Yuki stopped that a long time ago. He had stopped caring for me since I had been abusing his patience ever since we were in Japan. He said to himself. He was so emotionally drained that he called in sick for work and school. He dragged himself home and lay down all day.

Frederic knocked on Yuki's office door, "Professor, how about lunch?" he asked, peering in. Yuki ignored him.

Frederic know he would do that so he walked in, earning a glare from the man, placed a book on his desk.

"Oh, forgive me, please give this to Shindou, he dropped it last night when he was over my place." Frederic said, with a smile.

He earned a scowl from the blond, as Yuki abruptly got up from his chair, color drained from his face. "Give it to him yourself." He muttered before walking out with those killer eyes stabbing him.

Frederic smiled. Score one. He grabbed the book again.

Yuki cut his afternoon classes. He feigned a migraine, but he knew that one is about to come with all these stress happening between him and Shuichi. He was surprise when he got home that Shuichi is there, sleeping. He sat on the opposite side of the bed, about to wake him when he saw a paper next to the sleeping figure. He picked it up. It was Frederic's hand-writing. So, his friend wasn't lying, Shuichi was there. He put it back where he found it.

He didn't plan it to last this long, he was ready to give in and talk to him. But after these, he changed his mind. He got up from the bed and grabbed his suitcase and started packing. He was on his way to the airport when he called the university, saying that there is an emergency that he needed to leave the country. Like the last time, Yuki is running away again. And yes, like the last time, he didn't give Shuichi a chance to explain or tell him where he was going.

Shuichi woke up when he heard the front door banged. "Yuki?" he called, he sat up. He saw that the drawers were open, the cabinet doors ajar. He felt his heart stop. No! He said. Not again! Clambering out of the bed, stumbling on the sheet as he rushed to the line of drawers to confirm the worse. He fell on his knees, all of Yuki's clothes are gone. "Why? Why?" he asked, tears pouring down his face.

Frederic was surprised to hear that Yuki bolted. He never expect him to run away again, he was expecting a fight between him and his partner not this. He got a desperate call from Shuichi asking him if he knows where Yuki would go. But this time, Yuki didn't tell anyone. He can't be found.

There was a small breeze by the beach front, there is a blond guy lying under the shade dozing. Everyone who passed him by couldn't resist to take a second look. A red haired guy approached the parasol, blocking the light.

"So, you're still doing the cat and mouse game, Yuki san." Hiro commented. Yuki opened his eyes, and saw Shuichi's best friend standing there, he sat up and Hiro sat down next to me.

"I'm surprised you called me. I didn't know what happened to you and Shuichi, its been five years. Lucky for you I'm rooted in Japan and have the same number." Hiro said, fishing out a cigarette, handing one to the blond.

"I just want to know." Yuki began, letting out a tired sigh.

Hiro glanced at him, "You don't need to ask me that. You know how that pink haired brat feels about you. He would never change, he would always be loyal to you."

"Yeah, loyal my ass. First there's Ryuichi. Now, its my friend, Frederic."

"Wha-" Hiro spurted, his cigarette dropped, almost burned himself. He picked it up frantically. "I know Shui is a little dense sometimes or naïve but I doubt that he would go for a Frenchman. Especially not your friend."

Yuki rubbed his face like washing without water, "I just want him to stop doing that, letting other people take advantage of him and then end up hurting me."

Hiro let out a sigh. "You know when you ran off to France after what happened before. You broke him. You broke him into a million pieces. He was a total wreck. I've known him since we were kids in high school, maybe you cannot change him for what he is. Maybe he needs a little slap now and then to put him in his place, but that guy loves you, Yuki san. He loves you so much that he's got nothing left for himself."

"You think I don't, Nakano? Look at me now, look at how I am because of that brat. People who knew me back then couldn't believed how much I have changed. I moved my entire universe to be with him, he is everything that I am, my life, my path, my words, my action…my everything. I don't think I can ever go back to what I am unless he is with me. Because inside of me, there's him. Inside of me, there's a part of him running through my veins." He tapped his chest, "Inside here. There's only him." Yuki said.

Hiro let out a chuckle, "So what do you need me for? Since you already know your answer." He got up, slap Yuki on the shoulder, "Go back to France, straighten it out, straight him out. Stop behaving like children. Both of you are grown men, married to each other. Work it out like men." And with a wave, he walked away.

Author's note: Gravitation is not mine. This fiction is fan made, all the characters are OOC. This is still in progress. Menege A Trois is a French word describing a relationship with three people often married couple and another lover, share a sexual relationship, although the relationship might or might not involve all three persons having sexual relations with each other. The French phrase literally translate as "household of three." Or best describe as a "threesome." I promise I would update as soon as I can. Please feel free to leave a review. Still trying to improve my grammar and tenses problem so please bear with me. Oh, if you're not into BL or Yaoi, or gay stories, please just passed on by. I didn't oblige you to read this, so don't flag it or leave a nasty comment. You had been warned and advised. So be nice. Thank you.


	3. I Know My Love Can Never Reach You

Dedication: This is for my new friend and muse, Sun's and Stars. And a very special hug to my friend Melissa for the big help in revising this chapter. Thank you so much for all the help, my friend. I really appreciate it so much.

Why is it when we love someone we always do the wrong things, say the wrong things? When love is in front of us, why do we have to strain ourselves to look further ahead and ignore the person right in front of us? We always say we are trying. We always find fault in someone else rather than ourselves. It's always something else, someone else. Why can't we just listen for once? We talk. Yes, we hear the words the other is saying, but do we listen? Do we hear, do we understand? They say that love speaks in so many voices, in so many languages, and in so many ways, but if you hear it and you are in love, you will always understand. A simple touch, a smile, a look, a kiss… words maybe foreign but it conveys the right feeling, though it may sound foreign to the ears, it sounds just right.

I love you that is a given. You can look inside my heart and you know you are there. But why is it so difficult to reach you? To have you so close, that no matter how hard I try, my love cannot reach you, cannot touch you... cannot consume you. That you will turn away and ignore me. That everything that is not going your way is not important to you. Like me. You could turn a blind eye and look at me, but not see me. I am talking to you, but the words seems foreign to you, or that you've turned deaf and couldn't hear what I have to say, or couldn't understand the words I'm telling you.

No matter how I try, my love can never reach you. Because no matter how hard I try, you will constantly move away from me. You will constantly be deaf, blind and mute when it comes to my feelings for you.

So, I guess, I give up. This is it. I will just dwell on my feelings for you. For all I know, no matter what I do; I know my love can never reach you.

Soft. That was the first thing that registered into Shuichi's mind as his hand touched the fluffy comforter. Moaning, he stretched before opening his eyes, running his hand on the cool, soft fabric of the comforter on top of him. Someone used to tuck him in or put a blanket over him. But he can't remember his name for some reason.

There was a man sleeping by his bedside. Shuichi could see his face; clean cut hair framed his face. A handsome guy with aristocratic features, like some modern day Greek God, Adonis. He couldn't resist. So he reached out and touched his head. The figure moved. Shuichi was curious to see the color of his eyes. It's as wonderful as his handsome features. Blue as the tranquil sea.

Frederic stirred from his slumber and felt a hand touched his head. "Shindou, you're awake. How are you feeling?" he asked in French.

To Shuichi, it was a wonderful baritone as the words slid out of his red lips. He was mesmerized. Who is this guy? Where is he? And… who is he?

"W-Who are you?" Shuichi asked his voice hoarse from his deep sleep, uttering words in his native tongue.

Frederic saw the confusion in his eyes. The doctor told them this would happen. That Shuichi might lose his memory temporarily. Shuichi was lucky that it was only a mild concussion after hitting his head. He looked at Yuki helplessly, not understanding a single word Shuichi said. Yuki had just walked in the room with some tea. He almost dropped the tray when Shuichi asked Frederic who he is. Yuki's face was white from fear.

When Yuki ran away, Shuichi dropped in on Frederic unexpectedly to ask for help finding Yuki. Shuichi saw the book that Frederic had gotten from his backpack. It's the most precious one of all because in it were pictures of him and Yuki when they got back together again in Paris. But when he tried to take it back and confront the Frenchman about it, they struggled; Frederic didn't want to give it back. Shuichi lost his balance, slipped and hit his head on the marble table. Frederic stood there for a moment, staring at the pink-haired man slumped on the floor with blood gushing from his ear.

He was in a coma for three days. It took a lot of will power from Yuki not to kill his best friend. Frederic said it was an accident. But for Yuki, he was only trying to find someone else to blame. After a week of brooding, he got back only to find that his wife was in the hospital. They both watched over him. Each man carried a different kind of guilt to what happened. Shuichi was never left alone even in his comatose state.

Yuki's emotions were wired taut. He blamed himself for Shuichi's accident; if he hadn't left things wouldn't be this way. Frederic took the tray from his shaking hands, and sat on the sofa away from the bed to give them some privacy. He wanted to leave them alone but somehow he thought that he might be needed, so he stayed.

Yuki approached the bed. Brushing the pink hair away from the bandage on his head. "Brat. It's alright. I'm here now," Yuki said, trying so hard not to cry.

Shuichi was confused, and he brushed the hand away. He didn't know this man and he was acting so familiar with him. He didn't realize that the mere gesture almost shattered the blond, his better half.

A tear fell from Yuki's eye. "It's me, Yuki. Eiri Yuki. Your husband. We had a fight, and I left. You are in Paris. You followed me here. You had an accident and hit your head. That man over there is my childhood friend, Frederic. He is French and we're both Japanese." Yuki explained. He needed to keep on talking. He needed to keep himself busy, his mind busy to keep the hurt from shattering him.

Shuichi studied the man in front of him. He is very handsome. More handsome than the other man. His voice sent thrills that made him feel all gooey inside. His touch brought heat inside his chest. His husband? He asked himself, _"He's gay?"_ He was so confused.

Shuichi looked away. "Leave me alone. I'm tired," he said, not knowing how to deal with the situation. Yuki nodded. He got some pictures from the night table and put it by his hand.

"This might help," Yuki said, touching his arm lightly. He wanted to linger a little longer but he didn't want to rush Shuichi.

Shuichi looked at the photographs the blond man gave him. There was a picture of Hiro, Suguru, K and Tohma. There was a picture of him and Ryuichi. There were pictures also of his friends from Paris. And yes, him and Frederic. But the rest, were of him and Yuki. Of their wedding in San Francisco, Japan and here in Paris. Pictures of just him and Yuki. He felt a tug at his heart when he saw how close they were. And why the man called himself his husband. He was married to him. Shuichi stole a glance at him; he was sitting on the window sill. He was smoking a cigarette, a halo of smoke around his head. When Yuki glanced back at Shuichi, he had a sad smile on his face. Shuichi felt his heart stopped. He looked away, sighed. and put the pictures down.

Frederic approached him with some food. "I thought you might be hungry. " Qu'est-ce que vous voulez?" looking at Yuki to interpret. (What would you like?)

Yuki was about to explain when Shuichi answered in his perfect French that surprised them both.

"Je voudrais un snack." (I would like a snack.) So, his memory loss is not in general but only a portion.

Frederic laughed, "Magnifique!" (Magnificent.)

"Pouvez-vous me faire un sandwich?" Shuichi asked, smiling at him. (Can you make me a sandwich?)

"Oui, pas de probleme." Frederic replied, rushing to the kitchen to do just that. (Yes, no problem.)

Yuki sat back down on the windowsill. His energy felt drained out of him. Shuichi was talking to Frederic while he ignored him. He guessed that he deserved it. For always leaving him behind whenever they had a misunderstanding. Shuichi looked at him, and then he let out a sigh. He was afraid of that man who called himself Yuki. Afraid of what emotions stirred inside of him every time he looked at him.

Shuichi ignored Yuki for the rest of the day. The only time Yuki interacted with him was when he was needed to interpret what Frederic said. But he almost panicked when nighttime came. Frederic bid them good night and left them alone.

Yuki gathered the comforter around him. Not saying anything and trying as much as possible not to touch him. Yuki made sure he was comfortable and didn't need anything else. He got the pillows from the closet and put them on the pull out bed next to Shuichi's. So, that's where he had been sleeping all along. Shuichi thought he was sleeping beside him.

"If you need anything, or need to go to the bathroom, let me know," Yuki said, softly, looking at him. He resisted the urge to take him in his arms and kiss him over and over.

Shuichi nodded. "Arigato Yuki san," he said, smiling a little. (Thank you)

That stabbed at Yuki even more. Like he was a stranger and not the person he had shared many years with. He nodded, trying to catch his breath when he felt the lump in his throat. He wanted to cry but he knew it wouldn't do any good now. When he thought that Shuichi was asleep, he got up quietly. Yuki walked to the bar, got himself a stiff drink and lit a cigarette. He walked to the windowsill and watched Shuichi sleep.

Then the tears came, hard. Yuki felt so alone now. He used to have Shuichi there with him. Used to have his love. Everything he did was wrong. Leaving was wrong. Escaping was wrong. Now when he was about to face his fears, this happened. He thought now that all is lost, even if Shuichi gets his memory back, it wouldn't mean that he would love him all over again like before. It wouldn't mean they could go back to what they were before.

Shuichi heard him crying. He wanted to open his eyes and see. He felt a knot forming at his heart hearing those quiet sobs from that man. He had a feeling that this man never do that often, that he was the only one who sees him when he is this vulnerable.

Shuichi heard glass break and sat up, trying to get accustomed to the dim light. He saw Yuki trying to pick up the broken pieces of glass. He got up and tried to help him.

"Don't touch it, you will cut yourself!" he warned, but Yuki was already bleeding before he could get up.

"Stay in bed!" Yuki growled. That stopped him half way. Yuki saw the look on his face. "I- I'm alright. I can take care of this. You shouldn't move around too much, you're not well yet," Yuki said more gently this time.

Shuichi nodded and got back in bed. He watched Yuki disposed off the shards of glass and put a bandage on his cut. His face was still damp from the tears. He sat up.

"Are you okay?" Shuichi asked as he watched him walked back to his pull out bed. He saw now that the bed is too small for Yuki, so it must be uncomfortable for him to sleep there with his legs dangling half out of the bed.

"Hai. Sorry for yelling at you. There was broken glass all over the floor; I didn't want you to hurt yourself," Yuki said, smiling a little.

Shuichi patted the space next to him. "You can sleep on the other side, Yuki. The bed is big," he said, dropping the formal address. He was hoping that Yuki didn't notice it. But the older man did and him caught by surprise.

"It's okay. Thank you, but I would bleed all over the sheets," he said, wanting to but held himself back.

"Come here," Shuichi persisted, reaching a hand out to him.

Yuki broke down losing his composure. He went to those open arms, not caring anymore if Shuichi slapped him or not. He just wanted to feel him again, to fill up the void inside of him. But the younger one hugged him back.

"There, there now," he said patting blond tresses. "I'm sorry if I'm a little distant, but this is kinda confusing to me. I have a feeling that you are special to me. Just give me time to get used to you again. To remember you. You're already in my heart, Yuki. Just give me time to awaken those feelings again."

Yuki cried harder. That's what he was waiting for all along since he got back. He was planning to beg and plead to take him back. But everything was happening too fast. When he came back, Frederic said that Shuichi had an accident when they had an argument and he somehow pushed Shuichi away, slipped and hit his head. So he had to wait for his chance to express himself. When Shuichi woke up everything changed.

"J-Just let me stay like this for a little while. I promise I would just hold you. Just let me hold you, brat," he said emotions thick in his voice.

Shuichi urged him to get in bed beside him. "You can hold me all you want, just get in bed with me," he said smiling.

Yuki laid down beside him. In the month that they had been away from each other, in those days that they had been avoiding each other, this would be the first time they would share a bed. Yuki laid there and just reached out to touch his arm carefully. He almost started crying again when Shuichi moved and laid his head on his shoulder and held him.

All the pain disappeared lifted from his chest. When Yuki slept that night, it was for the first time in a month, he slept so peacefully. Shuichi watched him sleep. He looked so young when he sleeps; the scowl disappears from his face. Shuichi touched his face gently to his. Yes, he said to himself. It's possible he could fall in love with this face. There's a different feeling inside of him whenever he's with Yuki and when he talks to Frederic. And with that thought of falling for the same man all over again, Shuichi Shindou Uesugi fell asleep in his husband's arms.

Author's note: This is an update of Breathing Lessons. Please forgive me for the use of too many French or Japanese words, as you can see the story demands it. I hope you enjoy the update as much as I enjoy writing it. If you are not into BL or yaoi, please pass on by. This is a gay fiction, so if you don't like that stuff, just ignore this and read a different one. I hope my grammar and tenses has improved in my constant practice. Looking forward to hearing your comments on this update. Thank you so much for reading.


	4. Winter In Paris

"Let him sleep." When Shuichi woke up and found Frederic hovering over Yuki to wake him up.

The Frenchman smiled, "Breakfast?" he asked, with a quizzical look.

Shuichi smiled and put up a hand, "Maybe later." Frederic nodded and walk out of the room.

Shuichi took the pictures from the night table and looked at their pictures again. Then looked at the man sleeping soundly beside him. His husband. He had to admit he was tickled at the idea that someone this gorgeous would take interest in him. He touched the bandage on his head. There are still stuff that are a little fuzzy to him. Some familiar things are coming back, and he is not so queasy about the fact that he is gay and married. He heard a moan from the man and saw him covering his face from the sunlight passing through the window straight to his face. Shuichi got up slowly and drew the blinds a little bit. He then went to the bathroom.

When he got back, he saw Frederic changing Yuki's shirt. He was frozen in place. He was a little annoyed about that Frenchman always hovering around, especially around Yuki. Do childhood friends do that to each other? Are they really just best friends or…lovers? Shuichi asked himself. He was feeling a little jealous. Isn't that supposedly his job? Shuichi didn't say anything and lay back down. Frederic blushed seeing he got caught doing something he was not supposed to do.

"Are you hungry?" Frederic asked again. Shuichi just shook his head. He didn't want to turn around and look. Fidgeting with his pajama top.

"There was blood on his shirt, I changed his bandage. I need to have this washed or else this shirt would be ruined." Frederic explained in tumbled, nervous words.

"I don't care. I didn't say anything." Shuichi replied, a little pissed, why are you explaining yourself? Feeling guilty that you can't keep your paws off Yuki? He mumbled to himself.

Irritated, Shuichi abruptly got up the bed and went to the dresser and started pulling out shirt and shorts, banging drawers, and started changing out of his pajama.

He heard a moan and then a voice, "Brat? Where are you? You shouldn't be walking around." Shuichi stopped. It was Yuki's sleepy voice.

Then he heard a commotion. Shuichi turned around to see what it was. Yuki was pushing Frederic away, and cursing. He smirked. Serves you right. He said to himself. He had a feeling Yuki wouldn't let anyone touch him like that. Frederic was acting so familiar.

Yuki got up groggily and walked to him, "You should stay in bed. You're not that all better yet." He said, reaching out to touch his arm but he hesitated and put his hand down.

"I just need to change to normal clothes, I feel hot and sticky in those pajamas." Shuichi replied.

"You want a shower or a sponge bath? I could help you with that." Yuki volunteered.

Shuichi blushed and waved his hands frantically. "N-No, no. It's fine, I'm fine."

"A sponge bath then, I promised it would be quick and refresh you. Please, let me." Yuki insisted.

Shuichi blushed again and nodded. "O-okay." Letting Yuki lead him to the bed again.

"Get out." That's all Yuki said, and Frederic left without another word.

Yuki closed the door behind him. Then locked it. Shuichi had a full grin on his face. I like this man. He wants business and he means it. Yuki walked to the bathroom and got everything he needed.

Shuichi watched him carefully, feeling so nervous like it was his first date. Yuki's hands were gentle, and he did what he said he would do. Not touching him unless its necessary, he even handed him the sponge and pointed to his boxer shorts. He blushed and wiped himself clean, he let out a little moan, Yuki was right. It feels good. With his hands wet water, Yuki ran them on the younger man's hair, his face inching closer. Shuichi closed his eyes shut when he thought that Yuki was going to kiss him, he was quivering. Not knowing if its from excitement or fear. But all that the older man did was whisper something in his ear, his breathe fanning Shuichi's cheek, goose bumps breaking out, tickled by those sexy lips so close.

"That feels good, isn't it?" Yuki whispered, his lips almost touching Shuichi's ear.

Shuichi whimpered and sat up abruptly, accidentally knocking the basin on the floor. Yuki didn't say anything and just picked up the basin and cleaned up the floor. Shuichi hurriedly put back his shirt on. He saw the blond wobbled when he got back on his feet.

"Are you okay?" he asked, a little worried.

Yuki turned and smiled. "I-I'm fine. Just need more sleep. I haven't slept since I got back and found you in the hospital." He said.

Shuichi jumped out of bed and took the basin from him, "Oh, go back to bed then." He said, Yuki smiled and ruffled his hair.

"I'll be fine. Why don't you eat breakfast while I put this away." He said.

Shuichi glanced at the continental breakfast Frederic prepared and felt sick. Yuki saw him made a face and chuckled.

"I'll make you breakfast, the kind I know you like." He said, taking the tray out.

"Thank you, Yuki." He said, hopping back in bed.

When Yuki woke up, he was surprised by the silence. Shuichi is not lying on the bed with him. He must be in the bathroom. He said to himself, and walked there, "Brat." He called, the door was ajar and he walked in, the bathroom was empty. Odd. He said to himself.

And walk out to the terrace to see if he is sitting there. He isn't there. He went from room to room, getting frantic now, the silence gripping at his heart. Even Frederic isn't there.

His mobile broke the silence, he ran back to the bedroom and answered it immediately.

"Eiri." He answered.

"Yuki san, I'm already here, thank you for the tickets." Hiro said, in greeting.

"Nakano, where are you, where's Shuichi? Did you guys went out? You know he is not well yet." Yuki said, gripping the phone tight, worried.

It took awhile before Hiro replied, and for Yuki it felt like eternity. Hiro cleared his throat first before he saying anything. As if weighing them.

"Yuki san, Shuichi isn't coming back to your place." He said.

"I'm sorry, what did you say? My place? This is our home." Yuki said, trying to remain calm, but he didn't like the way where the conversation was going.

"Calm down, Yuki san. Hear me out first, alright? Shuichi asked me to explain." Hiro said.

"Okay." Yuki croaked, in almost a whisper.

"Shuichi had a fight with your friend Frederic. Your friend is not trying to hook up with Shuichi but actually, he was trying to steal you away." Hiro said, gravely.

"Wh-What do you mean by that? Frederic is straight, and he's got a girlfriend in Germany which he often visit when he's got the time. This is France, Nakano. Shuichi might have misinterpret things. Culture here is different than the conservative Japan." Yuki explained.

Hiro sighed, "Wait there. I'm coming to see you, its better if I tell you these things in person." He said, hanging up the phone before Yuki could ask if he's going to bring Shuichi with him.

Hiro got there alone. The red head found him sitting on the couch, he looked pale, his hand was bleeding again, Hiro could only imagine what he did to make it bleed. He was smoking like a train and drinking, probably trying to calm himself down.

Hiro approached the former novelist. They sat down, and for the first time, Yuki just listened. Yuki said he would do anything to get Shuichi back. Hiro told him of the instances that Shuichi had suspicions. It never occurred to him the way Hiro told him, to him its all black and white, in Shuichi's eyes, everything is different. Hours ago, Frederic accused Shuichi of taking the former novelist for granted, that Yuki had done everything for him, and he abused that love. Hiro walked in on them almost trying to kill each other, and Shuichi's friends were trying to stop them.

Then it dawned on Yuki. "So, he remembered now?" he asked, almost inaudible. Hiro nodded, patting him on the back.

"Can I see him? This is all a mistake, I'm not like that, and Frederic and I are not like that. You know that, Nakano. We talked about this."

Yuki gripped his shirt, begging, pleading. His eyes moist from unshed tears.

"Yuki san." He said, trying to pacify the blond. "I think this is for the best, give each other the space. To think. To evaluate your marriage. Both of you need to think things through, you're always arguing, misunderstanding each other. Both of you are not happy anymore. It isn't right. This is not just a cat and mouse game both of you used to play." He said, and put an arm on the blond man.

"I know both of you are trying. I know you are. You have changed a lot from that playboy novelist I know to just Shuichi's husband. Just give time for things to settle and calm down." Hiro said.

Then he looked at the blond straight in the eye, "Don't go abusing yourself again, Yuki san. Okay? I told you to fix this problem like men. Hurting yourself won't bring him back, and if it did, its not out of love, but out of guilt and pity." Hiro said, and stand up.

"We're staying with one his classmates, he is not sure yet if he is staying here or going back to your old house in Japan." He said.

Yuki almost choked back a sob when he heard that. Hiro put a hand on his shoulder.

"No matter where he is going to be, I'm sure he wants you with him. I'm sure of that. So, just stay put, I will call you from time to time." He said.

Yuki stood up and bowed deep, "Thank you, Nakano. You really are a true friend."

Hiro smirked, "Are you sure you're the husband and not the wife?" Hiro teased, with a chuckle. When Yuki glared. "Thought so. There's the Yuki san I know." He said, and with a wave, he left.

Yuki tried hard not to cry when Shuichi left for Japan. He tried hard not to cry when he agreed to meet him before going to the airport.

"So, um…I would be going now. Take care of yourself, alright? Come visit me sometime." Shuichi said, tugging at Yuki's shirt.

Yuki couldn't say anything and just nodded. He thought given some time, Shuichi would come back. But, he decided to go back to Japan instead.

"This is not my life, Yuki. I'm only here because you are here." He said.

Then why are you leaving me? He wanted to ask, but he didn't. Somehow, he lost his voice that day. Mr. Cold was speechless and subdued.

Why did it have to be like this? You got your memory back. I can see it in your eyes. You wanted me. You still want me.

Shuichi turned his back on Yuki, trying so hard not to cry. He kept convincing himself for the last two weeks that this is the right decision. That being away from each other would help settle things. To stop arguing and accusing each other.

Shuichi wanted to kill Frederic that day when he spat out those hurtful accusations. Shuichi was still smiling, clueless why was the man so angry and looking at him. Until one of his friends translated what Frederic said. And then he lunged at him, scratching his face like a wild cat. Spurting all kinds of Japanese and French obscenities he can think of, kicking and screaming.

He wondered why that didn't wake up Yuki then. Then Hiro came. He straightened it out and asked Frederic to leave politely. Even after he explained everything about Yuki, how they met and talked still, he couldn't bring himself to go back to him and be like before.

Yuki was reaching out to him, about to touch him. But he doubled back and fell on his knees. Then he cried.

Shuichi was saying something when he whirled around and saw him.

"Oh, Yuki. Don't do this." He pleaded, about to break down himself.

"Just go. Meeting with you was a bad idea. Just leave and don't ever come back." Yuki said, his voice was low but clear. Not once did he look at Shuichi again.

Shuichi was about to touch him, when Yuki snarled at him. "Damn it, fck hole, I told you to leave." That did it.

Shuichi whirled away and ran, he ran until he couldn't catch his breathe anymore, his tears spilling into the cold wind.

I'll chase after the memories so you will be with me forever. Yuki said to himself, as he pushed the hurt away from his heart. He clutched his hand tightly to the sleeve of his shirt where Shuichi touched him as though to keep the warmth from departing the earth.

Then the snow came, earlier for its season. Cooling his warm frail body. He felt his life fading away as the scent of his partner leave the air. Yuki drove him away…he hurt him back. Because he loves him. He loves that pink haired man with everything that he is and all that he is made of. He spoke very clearly those hurtful words, knowing that these may be his final words to his wife.

Hiro gave Shuichi sedatives so he would sleep the rest of the flight. Shuichi wouldn't stop crying. He wanted to tell him to run back to Yuki if he is taking it this hard. But he knew this isn't the time for them to get back together again. They needed this. To be apart for awhile.

Yuki went back to Japan. Severing all ties he had in Paris. And yes, burying his past along with it. His name, his life and his memories of long forgotten past. Back in Japan, he is simply Eiri Uesugi. He bought a simple studio type bungalow in a private community, with a secluded beach in the backyard. He would spend his time there, walking, building sand castles. Sometimes he would spread a towel and bring a book, or a notebook and pen and write. The only other person he kept in touch with is Hiro. Knowing the former novelist, Hiro is the last person he would get close with aside from Shuichi. But he did. Because he held on to one part of his past, a past connected to his present. Shuichi Shindou Uesugi. He'd learned that Shuichi kept his name, and now just continued studying music and might go into teaching later on.

Yuki looked down at his hand. He was by the beach again, he traced the gold band on his ring finger. His heart ached but knowing that they are in the same space, and sharing the same sky is a bit of comfort to him. That one of these days, they might cross paths again.

Author's note: This is the fourth installment of Breathing Lessons, feel free to let me know your input and if you see any corrections that need to be done I would be very happy to hear it. Please enjoy, the next update would be coming up soon. Thank you.


	5. With These Wings Called Love

They say love is patient; love is kind…as the proverb goes. But how will you define love when someone who means life to you has been taken away? Will you stay patient, will you still be kind? Yuki had given so much for this love; more than he thought could be possible. Shuichi has a way of ripping him raw, which made him uncertain of everything that he is. He is the person that taught Mr. Cold how to love…but the pink-haired brat is also the one who showed him how to hurt.

He let out a sigh. Shuichi is not coming back, is he? He asked the winds, and the surf. All they could do is gaze back at an angel with invisible wings, standing atop his simple fortress he had built. A lonely king on his lonely kingdom.

"Yuki."

A voice called. Silence.

"Yuki."

The blond angel laughed to himself. "I'm losing it; I'm even hearing his voice in the daylight."

Then arms went around his waist that caught his breathe staggering in his throat. He whirled around and came face to face with his dreams at night. "Brat." He called, his voice cracked. And then he cried, as he whirled around and squeezed him tight. The pink haired brat laughed hysterically.

"I can't breathe, Yuki!" he cried, as his face was bathing with kisses. And his arms went around his husband's neck when he melted into one kiss that took his breathe away.

They were so absorbed on each other that Hiro cleared his throat noisily.

"Hey, Yuki san. I thought I'll bring you a present since you've been a good boy for the past year." He said, with a grin and standing beside him was Suguru, who waved at Yuki.

Yuki smiled at them gratefully, "Thank you, Nakano." That's all he said, and that is enough for the red haired, knowing that it is a lot of effort for the former novelist to say those words.

He turned back to Shuichi, capturing his tiny face in his hands, "I miss you, brat." He said, his face still wet with tears.

Shuichi sniffed, he cried, too. He couldn't believe he is right here with Yuki again.

Hiro laughed when his best friend was trying to convince him he was ready to see his spouse again. Shuichi often eavesdropped on his conversations with his estrange husband. But often times, fell quiet, doubts himself if it is the right thing to do or if Yuki still wants him back. Now that he is here, he is determined to make it work. To make their marriage work.

The whole gang was there in support of the couple, to celebrate their renewal of vows. After all, they had been married for twelve years. Twelve years. Who would have thought they would last that long? They had been arguing and separating much more than regular couples, and although neither one is still in the limelight; their marriage is always under scrutiny. All those Shuichi haters, those women who felt he wasn't the right one for Yuki. Even the men said he was too immature for the former novelist. But Yuki. _His_ Yuki put his put foot down and told them he won't let them talk about his wife that way.

So here they are. Alone in the bedroom. A little shy. Looking at them, no one would think that they had been together for twelve years by the way they blush and hesitate to touch or get close to each other.

Yuki moved. He sat down beside him. Taking the hand that was on the bed first, bringing it to his lips. Tears came. "Yuki." Shuichi croaked.

"Don't mind me, brat. I'm just so happy. I can't believe this is real, you are real." Yuki said.

Shuichi touched his face, gently wiping away the tears. He leaned close and kiss his face, smiling, almost close to tears himself.

"Better check your hearing, Yuki. It's all real. And I'm real. If you don't hear K singing Blue Suede Shoes off key, and the others cheering him on drunkenly, then you better have your ears check. I think there's a riot out there. I wouldn't be surprise tomorrow that we'll find your house turned upside down." Shuichi said, with a chortle.

He knows he was babbling. He was nervous. This is Yuki. He didn't want to mess it up. He let out another nervous laugh when Yuki advance closer. Inwardly he was groaning. Wanting to pounce on this beautiful angel. But he was glued to the spot, watching those beautiful lips curve into a smile, those golden eyes studying every part of his anatomy; he could feel himself melt by just those penetrating looks.

Yuki grinned, inching his face closer for a kiss. "Our house." He corrected.

Shuichi blushed, "Yes, our house." Letting Yuki take the lead.

Yuki undressed him slowly. Like it was their first time. Staring at him for a while before Yuki started trailing kisses down his body. Shuichi moaned, arching his body closer to those lips he missed so much. "Oh, Yuki."

Yuki couldn't breathe and stop crying. He was sending a silent prayer of thanks to all the gods that he had known. That finally this time, they will make it work. That this time, now that he had Shuichi back, he will never let him go.

Yuki licked and nip his neck, his favorite spot on his wife's body, the crook of his neck, where Shuichi is ticklish. Shuichi watched his every move, their eyes meeting, Shuichi moaned when he watched Yuki put his fingers in his mouth, sucking on them, and when he was satisfied, he teased his wife's secret hole. With his mouth over one nipple, he pushed a finger inside Shuichi's hole. He was tight and was sucking in Yuki's long fingers. They both moaned in euphoria.

Shuichi thought his brain is melting, his body turning into silly putty as Yuki played him and mold him into any shape he wants. He could only beg for more. Allow him to do what he please. This body is his, all his. And when Yuki plunged inside of him, he thought he had died because of the glorious feeling he felt. He felt numbed all over by the sensation of this man. All he knows he was trembling, and shaking with so much lust. And in seconds, he spurted all over himself. He let out a strangled squeak as he watched his partner took a gob from his stomach and licked it all up from his hand, as he danced inside of him, his wonderful eyes never leaving his.

Shuichi could not remember when they stopped; he could not even bring himself to move. He needed to pee badly. He moaned and tried to sit up; Yuki was sprawled lazily beside him, one arm draped possessively around his waist. When he moved, the blond man moaned and gripped him tighter. He leaned down and gave him a kiss, "I would be right back, love." He whispered. As if he understood, Yuki's arm loosened and Shuichi braved himself to sit up first. He gave himself a few minutes before he decided to risk standing up and walking. He could not remember how many times they had done it last night, how many various position and places around the bedroom that they did it. He even remembers doing it in the tub and one time in the shower.

After relieving himself, he walked to the sink and gargled. He looked at himself in the full-length mirror. His body was covered with love bites. He blushed. He felt all tingly inside. He wanted to squeal in delight. Oh, how he loved that man.

He heard a light knock on the door. He half runs to the door, not wanting to wake up his husband. It was Hiro.

"Hi, Shui. Sorry to bother you this early, but we need your help." Hiro said, with an embarrassed grin. Seeing his best friend naked and covered with hickeys.

"Sure, what's up, Hiro?" he asked, grinning, forgetting that he was in his birthday suit.

"It's K, he got so drunk last night or should I say this morning. He is at the pier, climbed on top of one those poles, a table cloth wrapped around his neck, he said he is the king of the world, and wouldn't come down." Hiro said, trying to deliver it with a straight face but end up chuckling. Shuichi snickered and glanced back at the sleeping form on the bed.

"But, that's not the problem, he's leaping from one pole to another, everyone is zonked out, only Suguru is helping me. Could you maybe try to get him down before he hurt himself?" Hiro said.

Shuichi nodded and smiled, "Sure." About to step out.

"Ah, Shuichi. I know it would surely get K down the minute he sees you, but lets try another method." He said, pointing at Shuichi's lower region. Shuichi blushed and closed the door.

They finally convinced their manager to get down from his balancing acts on the railings of the pier. But he also managed to take a dive and took Shuichi with him; he said they are going to dive for clams for Shuichi's renewal of wedding vows happening tomorrow. Hiro and Suguru managed to fish them out and back in the house.

Tohma reprimanded K for drinking too much, and got the whole crew wet, especially Shuichi. He warned the American that he would abstain from drinking for tomorrow's celebration.

"But-but boss!" K protested, tears streaked his face.

"Enough, Claude. You had better be sober tomorrow; I am tired of you impersonating Elvis. The reason I made you manager is because you can't sing!" he said, and everyone giggled at that. Everyone was up to witness three midgets hauling the swaggering ogre from the ocean, and with a limp and wet looking bride.

Shuichi changed his clothes immediately, not wanting to catch a cold. There is another knock on the door. Shuichi grinned, this is a morning of visitors today, he thought, opening the door now for Mika, Yuki's sister.

"Mika san." Shuichi greeted with a bow.

"I hope I'm not disturbing you, Shuichi chan." She greeted with a smile.

"No, no." he whispered, waving his hands with a smile looking over at the bed to the sleeping Yuki. He led her to the parlor.

She has a box with her. They sat down facing each other.

"I know both of you will be wearing slacks for tomorrow, but in some old tradition, there is a saying that a bride should have something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue." She began, as she opened the velveteen box. She took out the content carefully.

"This was my mother's veil, Shuichi. I would like you to use it for tomorrow. This is something old coming from me." Mika said, handing silky, light, white embroidered organza material to Shuichi.

Shuichi was speechless, entranced by the simple beauty of the short veil. She also handed him a tiara studded with tiny pearls and diamonds. "Oh." That is also he can say his eyes misty with tears.

He looked at his sister-in-law, could not believe this is all happening. He is so happy, he thought he could burst. "Mika san."

She smiled, rubbing his arm, "You're welcome, little brother." She said, with a chuckle. "And this is from your boss, Tohma." She said, handing him a blue silk scarf that he can put in his vest pocket. "Something blue."

Shuichi started crying then, "Oh, Mika san, thank you so much. Thank Mr. Seguchi, I am so happy. I got such wonderful family." He said.

"You're welcome, dear. You made Eiri a happy man. I never seen him so content before not when both of you got married." She said.

"Yes, twelve years. We've been together for twelve years." Shuichi said, sniffing.

"Come on, let's try it on." She urged, tugging at his arm. Shuichi nodded and they walk to the hallway mirror.

It fit Shuichi like a silk of white turban, with the pearls and diamonds crowning his headdress.

"My lovely bride." A voice called from the doorway.

They both whirled around to see a gorgeous sleepy angel slouching by the door, his shirt open, his hair tousled as if he just ran his hand through them. No matter the time, Yuki always never fail to take Shuichi's breathe away. He will always fall in love with this man over and over again.

"Yuki." He called, and ran to his arms.

Yuki caught him and lifted him in his arm, "I'm not supposed to see the bride in his wedding attire, brat. It's bad luck." He said, with a chuckle.

"It's just a head dress, Eiri. I don't think there's harm in it." She said.

But Shuichi got off Yuki immediately and ran to Mika, "Mika san, take it off now, I don't want to take my chances. I want to marry Yuki again for another twelve years." He said. The siblings laugh knowing that the younger man was serious. Mika helped him take off the headdress.

"Thank you, Mika san, I'm honored to wear your mom's veil." He said, shyly with a slight bow. Mika was about to reply when Shuichi started sneezing.

At first Mika thought it was the dust from the veil but she saw the watery eyes and felt the younger man's forehead.

"You are a little warm. And you got a cold." She said.

Yuki walked over and felt his forehead. "I better get you some aspirin or else we have to postpone the wedding tomorrow." He said, about to go to the bathroom.

"I'm okay, I guess, I caught a cold when K pulled me in the water this morning, it was freezing. But I will be fine. I would just take a warm shower now and take a rest." He said.

"I insist." Yuki said, and stalked to the bathroom. Shuichi looked over to Mika for help.

"Maybe its better if you do what he says, he is just worried." Mika said.

"I hate medicine, Mika san." Shuichi said, and when he saw Yuki, he bolted out the door.

The others thought it was a game when Yuki was chasing Shuichi around the house insisting that he takes his medicine. But when they saw that Yuki was serious and close to being pissed off, Hiro and K caught the singer and held him down.

"No, Yuki. I swear, I am okay. Please don't give me that, I will puke it, I swear, I will." Shuichi said, crying and sneezing at the same time.

"You will take this like a man, Shuichi Uesugi or I will divorce you tomorrow instead of taking my vows." Yuki said, seriously, gulping the liquid himself and clamped his lips around Shuichi's mouth, as he forced the liquid down Shuichi's throat.

Shuichi coughed violently, K and Hiro let him go, patting him in comfort. "It's not so bad Shui." Hiro said, trying to calm his best friend.

Yuki took him in his arms and kissed the top of his head, "There, there, baby, you will be better now." Rocking him a little to stop him from crying. Everyone can see a different Yuki, his face lined with worry.

"It's just a cold, Yuki san. He will be okay." K said, assuring.

"I hate you." Shuichi whispered. Yuki stopped rocking him. He pushed him roughly to look at his face.

"What did you say?" he asked, could not believe what Shuichi said to him.

Hiro did not like where this is going. "Okay, Yuki san. Let me talk to him." Intervening, signaling for K to take Yuki.

When he was alone with Shuichi in the bedroom.

"You should apologize, Shui." Hiro said.

"Why would I?" he asked, hands akimbo, his nose up, his mouth in a pout.

Hiro looked at his best friend, touched his arm to make him turn around and looked at him.

"Maybe, you never realized this, Shui. That man out there loves you so much. You have put him through so much, even worse than he had ever been in his entire life. He would offer the world to you if that is what you want. And here you are spouting hurting words just because he made you drink medicine because he is so worried about you." Hiro said.

Shuichi bowed his head in shame. "I never loved anyone as much as I love him, too, Hiro. I love him with my life. Yuki is my life." He said, in a small voice.

"Then go out there and prove that to him." He ordered, pointing to the door.

Shuichi found him sitting in the parlor, a drink in hand and cigarette. He stiffened when he saw Shuichi, put out his cold face, ready for battle number two.

Shuichi got the drink and put it down on the table, took the cigarette and put it out; Yuki was just watching him in silence. He then took Yuki's arms, put it around him, and folded himself in the older man's lap, embracing him, sniffing.

"I'm sorry, Yuki." He whimpered. "I didn't mean it."

Yuki let out a sigh, wrapping his arms tighter around the younger man. "Sometimes, brat, you undo me." That's all Yuki said but it hurt Shuichi even more hearing the honesty in those words.

"There's no one else before you, Yuki. You are the only one, my only one. And sometimes, it overwhelms me, your love blinds me, because I'm so afraid to lose it." He murmured under the crook of Yuki's arm.

He lifted him up, and made Shuichi face him, took his hand and kissed his ring finger. "You will never lose it, I'm yours, remember? Until death, do us part. You're wearing my love and my heart on your finger." He said, then tilting his chin, the next kiss landed on Shuichi's lips.

Hiro smiled when he saw them made up and walked out of the room to give them privacy.

Author's note: Heya, everyone. This is not the final chapter yet, but I need to cut it here for now. Preparing for the grand finale. Hope you people like this update. Give me your feedback and let me know. Gravitation is not mine; all the characters are very OOC. This is yaio or a gay fiction, so if you are not into that stuff, please passed on by. OOC is Out Of Character, so for those who do not understand that, it means all the characters are not like their original counterpart. This is not a spoiler. This is just a work of fiction. So hang on for the grand finale, see you people soon.


	6. The Air I Breathe

Author's Note: Before I wrote this story, I already have an ending in mind. It came to me in a dream, I can picture them as if they are real. And for me, this is the only way for such a beautiful love supposed to end. So please, understand why I ended it this way. Their love was so beautiful, and they should always stay together forever. This is for my little sis, Sandy Taty. I love you, girl. May you shine on always.

I remember when I woke up that morning that something is different. But, its no different like waking up each morning to a familiar arm around me, a familiar scent, a familiar heat. As if our bodies are connected, and I would feel lost if ever Yuki leaves or if he is not there.

I woke up with the wonderful feeling of kisses. My body melting, and curving to those wonderful lips showering my body with hot kisses and little bites. Then his heavenly voice, that never fails to bring tingle down my spine, tickling me to no end.

"Brat…I want to make love to you." He whispered, trailing kisses on the side of my neck as he climb on top of me. He was already hard and ready, and I'm already creaming from those kisses alone.

There isn't a time for this, we should be getting ready for the wedding. But I said yes.

"Yes, Yuki, yes, take me." I replied with the same heated passion of my own, as I grabbed him closer, closing the gap between us.

"Don't worry, we got time. They know, they will wait." He said, assuring me, reading my mind like always.

I know he was right. But even if we didn't, I wouldn't care just as long as I am with him.

We took it slow, savoring the feeling of each other's skin. There is something different about today. There is something different about Yuki. He is much more quiet than usual. Much needy. I would always catch him looking at me, staring at me with those golden eyes, I feel myself being pulled in, drown in those golden pools of wonder. He would take my hand at every opportunity and kiss it, or lean down and kiss me. Soulful kisses that leaves me breathless and confuse. He would embrace me for no reason. And I'm frightened by these signs, it leaves me wondering if it is a premonition for something. Or is he leaving me?

I touched his wonderful face, "Yuki, what's wrong? Is something the matter, do you want to tell me something?" I asked, gently.

He smiled slowly and kissed me again, that had me moaning and yearning for more. But I mustn't be distracted. I don't want to embarrassed myself in front of our family and friends at the wedding if he decides to break off with me in lieu of all the nasty things I have done to him. I pushed him gently away.

"You're scaring me, Yuki. Tell me what's going on? Did I do something bad? What are you thinking?" I asked, searching those eyes for answers but the man is an enigma of puzzle, an intricate puzzle that would take years to decipher.

He pulled me close, kissed the top of my head. "Nothing, brat. There's nothing wrong. I'm just making up for those times we've been away from each other. I'm just filling myself with you, I need more of Shuichi. I had been empty of you for far too long, I'm dry and empty. I need little you's to fill me up again."

I looked at him confused. He continued patiently.

"Inside of me, there's you. Its what makes me exist. You fill me up and make me whole. Whenever we have fights, whenever we break up, I run on empty. I'm like a shell, hollow and dry. No purpose and useless. Because I'm without you. We two are one, brat. You and me. One cannot live without the other, we are made and molded to be a pair. I need you to live, to exist. Because I can never be whole again, me again, without you." Yuki said, his words filling me up the same way he says I fill him up.

I looked at him, with tears in my eyes. "Oh, Yuki." I croaked.

He laughed and embraced me hard. "Shhh…there you go crying again."

"I'm just so happy." I said, embracing him hard, my chest aching so hard for this man.

Shuichi was a beautiful bride. Like a cut out from Arabian nights. A long silky robe, with attached blue tunic and a sash of velvet light blue belt, make up for his wedding attire and the scarf from Tohma Seguchi also tied around his waist, on his head was the veil of silk organza with the tiara to complete his headdress. He looks like an Arabian prince. There were tiny silver bells attached to his ankles, something borrowed from his sister.

The setting was at the pier, with a trail of rose petals carpeted the path leading to the altar…leading to Yuki. Torches where lit all around because it was still a little dark, the dawn of the early morning. Barefoot, Shuichi began his walk leading to the altar where Yuki awaits.

Garbed in a simple white dress shirt and chinos, Yuki looked so handsome standing there. Hiro standing beside him, looking so regal in his white shirt and white pants.

The air was solemn even the kids behaved in their seats watching the affair with eye of wonder and awe. But one of them was curious enough to reach out for the flapping veil trailing behind Shuichi's head, one tiny hand pulled. Shuichi was caught off balance, the first thing he did was grabbed for the flying tiara, the tiny hand was slapped, the veil flew to the sea.

Yuki ran after it, he was able to grab it in mid air. Everyone clapped and cheered. "Way to go, Yuki!' Shuichi cheered.

But the groom is wet, everyone was laughing. "How's the water, Yuki san? Should we continue the wedding there with you?" K teased.

Yuki smiled good-naturedly, they reached out for the veil. Hiro reached out his hand to help the wet groom up the rocks, "Here, Yuki grabbed my hand." He called.

Shuichi's heart was thumping, "No, go around Yuki." He said, seeing the protruding jagged rock corrals around the pier. Its not high but slippery.

"It would be okay." K said, stepping up, about to reach for the former novelist and haul him up the dock.

As Yuki reached out for both K and Hiro's hands, his foot slip and he slipped back in the water. They all laughed because now the groom is soaking wet. But when he didn't surface, K jumped in to fish him out. Shuichi wanted to jump right in after him but Hiro grabbed him. "Don't worry, K got him."

He was laughing when K helped him out of the water. Now the groom is soaked to the skin. Someone draped a blanket around him. He was smiling when he reached Shuichi's side, he leaned down and gave his wife a kiss.

"Eiri, that should come after the vows." Tohma teased, and everyone laughed.

"We're doing this our way." He shout back, without looking. He got the veil and the tiara and put it back on Shuichi's head.

"Should we say our vows, my love?" Yuki whispered, as he touched Shuichi's face.

Shuichi fumbled with the bandana from his waist, the one Tohma gave him. He was so worried, and here he is standing before him now. His heart jumped in his throat when Yuki dropped back in the water and K had to rescue him. There were tears in his eyes. Out of relief or out of fright, he couldn't tell. His heart is still pounding. Looking for any tell tale sign if he is really okay, except for the cut on his forehead, he looked perfectly normal, a little wet but the same Yuki.

"Y-You cut yourself, Yuki." He said, a little breathless, his hands shaking as he tied the bandana over the cut. Yuki reached for his hands, and kissed them.

"I'm alright. Let's get this vows over with so I can be with you." Yuki whispered in his ear. Which had Shuichi blushing.

"Ehem! Yuki san, we can't hear the vows, are we supposed to be here or do you want us to leave?" K teased. Everyone laughed.

Yuki waved at them, smiling. He got down on one knee, still holding Shuichi's hand.

"I, Eiri Uesugi, in the eyes of man and in the presence of the ultimate holy one, vowed to love you, cherish you, hold you precious and keep you close to me, from this day forward till I breathe my last. I will be with you always and no matter how hard the times must come, I will stay by you, to keep you safe, to protect you and hold you next to my heart, from this lifetime to the next, no matter what form, no matter what time, I would only know one life, and that is ours, and I would only know one truth and that is you. I take you again Shuichi Uesugi as my partner, my other half, the one who holds the key to my heart and the only person next to the supreme being I hold up above the rest. I love you Shuichi, from this day forward and for all the lifetime we would be together." These were the same vows he made when they first got married. He still remember them by heart.

Everyone was quiet that morning as they watched two people who have loved so much and now, renewing their love to one another. Yuki placed the new ring on his wife's finger, next to the first ring he gave him.

Shuichi looked up, eyes watering with so much happiness, he almost didn't say his vows, he was so happy he could burst, "With this ring, I unite with you, and promised to be with you, from this day forward and for the rest of my life. I will vow to honor you, cherish you and love you with all of my heart."

After the vows were made, the crowd cheered the couple. Shuichi was so happy, he almost forgot how worried he was about Yuki. He was about to reach for him again, but Yuki waved a kiss to him, smiling with tears in his eyes. Mouthing the words I love you. His husband pitched forward, and then started convulsing in spasm, his mouth frothing. Everyone frozen, K scooped the former novelist and rush to the van, Hiro caught Shuichi in his arms as he fainted.

When Shuichi woke up, he had a feeling of déjà vu. He felt like he had done this scene before, but something was different. Instead of Yuki looming in front of him, it was Hiro, next to him was K and Suguru.

"You're awake." Hiro said.

"Yuki!" he called.

K gently pushed him back in bed, "He's in surgery, Shui chan. Just lie down. He would be fine. He is in good hands."

Intracranial hemorrhage. Shuichi heard Tohma whispered to Hiro when they thought he was still sleeping. Apparently, the recent head trauma had been worse than when he was run over by the car back in Paris. Chances are slim, and Shuichi didn't want to hear anymore. He cried and cried until fell asleep.

Suguru was shaking him awake. "Shuichi chan, Yuki is here." He said. Shuichi bolted up the bed.

Yuki made it from surgery. And all they could do now is pray. They shaved his glorious golden locks since they opened up his head, there's a hose in his mouth, and a big bandage wrapped around his head.

When Shuichi reached for his hand it was so cold and lifeless. Why did it have to be like this? They were barely back together and now this.

"Yuki, I need you. I can't go on like this. How could you do this to me after pampering with so much love? What am I going to with myself now? Damn you." He cried, gripping the cold hand, warming them with his tears.

"Please wake up, get up, Yuki. Please wake up." He cried.

Mika was there, watching the younger man just stare at her brother day in and day out. He would just sit there and cry, calling for his husband. He wouldn't eat, he wouldn't sleep, if he does, it would be by Yuki's bedside. She got up and put an arm around him.

"Shuichi." She called, patting his shoulder, waking him up from his trance.

Shuichi looked up to her and turned to her and started crying again.

"Shuichi." She called again. She slap him. That got his attention.

"Stop crying. Eiri is right there. He might be in a coma but he is there. If you talk to him, he can hear you. But I don't think he would be happy hearing you like this. And knowing what you are doing to yourself." Mika said.

Shuichi looked at her and stopped crying.

"Wouldn't it better if you tell him that you love him, that you are here waiting for him? That no matter what happens, just as long as he is not suffering anymore you would still be here loving him." Mika said, her voice shook. Tohma took her shoulder but she brushed him away.

"You don't know him, do you, Shuichi? You really don't know my brother that well." She said, her eyes fierce now. She reached for Yuki's arm and caress it.

"Yuki is strong. He is a fighter. He had been through a lot in his life but no matter what happens, he always come back, he always gets back in his feet and move on." She continued. Shuichi nodded, with a smile.

"Yes, he is. I know him. I know part of him that some people don't know, not even you." Shuichi said, looking up to Mika.

Mika smiled, "Then why are you moping around and crying? You think when Eiri wakes he's going to like you doing that? He would probably smack you on the head and told you you're noisy." She said.

Then Shuichi laughed, he probably would. Even if he just had his skull opened, the first Yuki would have done is smack him and tell him he is noisy again.

When Hiro gave him a sandwich, his best friend didn't have to force him to eat it. He took it and eat it heartily. They smiled at the sudden change in Shuichi. He was singing to Yuki. He was telling him stuff about his new school, his new friends, and he said he had been composing a song for Yuki, he didn't get it finished in time for the wedding. But he promised Yuki when he wakes up, it would done for him.

I don't know if I was fooling myself or pretending to fool myself that Yuki will be okay. That there will come a time that Yuki will open his eyes. But if he does, will he be the same Yuki? Will he be the same man that I have loved for the past fifteen years of my life since I met him? The doctor says he might wake up or he might not. If he does, there's no guarantee that he will be the same man. He had an accident when he was in Paris, he was so lucky that he survive that. This time, the blow on his head had some complications, the doctors pulled a miracle when they saved him.

I touched his hand, I always touch him every moment I get. Because I don't know what the future brings, if I'm going to have these moments again. What did he told me before? Making up for those times that we were apart? Filling himself up of me because he is empty without me? Oh, Yuki. To me, you are the very air I breathe. My lifeline. I don't know if I will ever survive if you leave. But, I don't want you to suffer. You have suffered enough.

"I love you, Yuki. I love you with my life. You are everything that any man could ever want for someone to love and more. You have given me so much, much more than I deserve. But, if you're tired or if you are in pain. I will understand. Because I know no matter where I am and wherever you go, we will always be together. My heart. You are my heart, Yuki. You will always stay with me." Shuichi said, as he lay his head next to Yuki, brushing the remaining blond locks creeping out of the bandage.

Then he smiled, and leaned and kissed Yuki's cheek. "I finished the song, Yuki. I will sing it to you." He said, and got his notebook.

He had mixed feelings when he wrote that song. Not knowing how to write it or if you Yuki will still be able to hear it. But no matter, he will say goodbye to the old Yuki he had loved. He knew if Yuki did survive, he will not be the same person he had loved, but inside that stranger is his Yuki. His life. His love. His partner. His best friend. His better half.

"…_**..We used to be frightened and scared to try  
Of things we don't really understand why  
We laugh for a moment and start to cry, **__**We were crazy**_

**_Now that the end is already here  
We reminisce 'bout old yells and cheers  
Even if our last hurrahs were never clear_**

**_Farewell to you my friend  
We'll see each other again  
Don't cry 'cause it's not the end of everything  
I may be miles away  
But here is where my heart will stay  
With you, my friend with you_**

**_Yesterday's a treasure, today is here  
Tomorrows' on its way, the sky is clear  
Thank you for the mem'ries of all the laughters and tears  
And not to mention our doubts and our fears  
The hypertension we gave to our peers  
It's really funny to look back after all of these years_**

**_Farewell to you my friend  
We'll see each other again  
Don't cry 'cause it's not the end of everything  
I may be miles away  
But here is where my heart will stay  
With you, my friend with you_**

**_Farewell to you my friend  
We'll see each other again  
Don't cry 'cause it's not the end of everything  
I may be miles away  
But here is where my heart will stay  
With you, my friend with you  
With you, my friend with only you….."_**

Shuichi was crying while he sang that song. But he was also smiling at the same time. "Wherever you go, my love. Go where you won't feel hurt anymore. Don't worry about me. I would be alright. I have fifteen years of happy memories, Yuki. All fifteen years of you, my love." He said, as he took his hand again, showering them with kisses and tears. "I love you, Eiri. I love you so much. Take my heart wherever you decide to go." He said.

He felt Yuki squeezed his hand back, he was surprised and when he looked at his angel's face, his eyes where open.

"Yuki!" he cried.

He was about to call the doctor. But Yuki gripped his hand tighter, looking at him with pleading eyes. Shuichi smiled, understanding. Shuichi removed the tape and the long hose connected to his mouth.

"Thank you, my love. Thank you for saying goodbye. I love you, Yuki Eiri. I love you so much!" Shuichi said, he was crying. But he leaned down and kissed him.

"B-rat." Yuki called weakly. "Th-ank you fo-r the song. I l-ove y-ou, Shui-chi." Squeezing his hand harder.

Shuichi let out a whimper and hug him tight. Kissing his face, his lips. Absorbing the last of his warmth. "You are welcome, Yuki. I will see you later, alright? I love you, Yuki. Have a safe journey." Shuichi said.

And when he looked at Yuki, he could barely talk anymore. Shuichi leaned closer and kissed him, he knew it will be the last time. "Take my love with you." He said. When he looked again. Yuki's eyes were close forever.

Shuichi stood at the docks where he first saw Yuki the first time when his husband came back to Japan. Yuki had prepared for everything. The house was already under his name. Yuki had insurances and trust funds set up for his wife. He wanted to make sure that wherever his journey take him, his wife will be safe. He requested Shuichi to stay at this house. Where he thought they would be making new memories, where they would lived for the rest of their lives. Yuki was gone. But Shuichi doesn't feel lonely. He is happy. Because everywhere he looked in the house, he finds Yuki. He didn't want to change anything. Sometimes he would watch their old videos, and fall in love with the man all over again. Hiro said it was unhealthy doing that, he should keep it and try to get a life of his own, now that he is alone. Hiro said that Yuki wouldn't want him to shut himself inside the house and mope around and cry over him. But Shuichi smiled.

"You don't understand, Hiro. I am not sad. I am not lonely. I do miss Yuki. And I want to remember him longer. It would be awhile before I stop remembering him. He knows that I will make myself stronger, because this time we are one now. He said that to me before, that we are one. I will survive this because he will stay with me always." Shuichi said, unconsciously, he fingered the locket around his neck. They didn't question him when he said that he wanted Yuki to be cremated. A small vial of Yuki's ashes is around his neck now, right next to his heart. The rest is in an urn, sitting on his side of the bed where he said Yuki can watch over him.

A wind caress his cheeks. "Yuki." He called, smiling. "Yes, its getting cold. Time to make dinner. You know, Yuki. I know how to make instant noodles now. So, don't worry, I won't burn down our house." He said, with a laugh. He glanced sideways, imagining the man smirking at him and saying something. He smiled again. "Let's go home, love." He said, to breeze that caressed his cheeks one more.

Sometimes life isn't fair. That sometimes, its so hard to accept things. I had lost someone. And it was so hard for me to accept that he is gone. Gone before I could have more memories with him, gone before he could realize how much he had affected me. How much he is a part of my whole being. That at times, I can't forgive the world for taking him away from me so soon. But whenever I remember him, I sometimes cry. But I don't feel sad anymore. Because even though he is no longer with me, I know, he is in another plane of existence, watching over me. And yes, there will come a time we will see each other again. So, I won't say goodbye. But, see you later. So, see you later, Yuki. I will see you again soon.

Owari

Notes: I hope you guys will still like this ending of this story. Even though some of you won't agree that Yuki died here. But, I hope I did justice in his passing. That the scene is right for the story, that Yuki had to go. I know this is a sad story. But I hope you enjoyed as much as I put my heart into writing it.

The song in this story is not mine, its sung by a local artist, Raymond Lauchengco, **Farewell**. I change it a bit to fit the story. I sang this during my graduation in high school. And it never fails to make me cry. So, I do hope you like my version of Gravitation. Please leave me feedbacks. And for those who didn't like that Yuki died, please don't leave hate notes. Please try to understand that this is just a story. That all I did was write it as I see it fit for the story. Thank you for taking the time to read this.


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